I ran across a letter today. It was a letter I had written to my supervisor, at the time, just after my husband renounced his Christian faith. I thought I would cry when I read this letter today, but I didn’t. Instead I realized the answer to a question I’d long been pondering how to answer for you. I’ve thought for weeks, maybe months really, about how to tell you exactly who to tell when your spouse renounces his or her faith in Christ. The answer isn’t so simple, though, that I’ve been able to sum it up…until now.
You tell someone and you tell whoever is necessary.
I know that probably isn’t the black and white answer you are looking for, but it is the answer I have. I don’t have anything more black and white because I told people I wouldn’t advise everyone telling when the emotions are raw, but I told who was necessary to my circumstances, my story.
I remember those first conversations with a blurred memory because of the lack of sleep and the many tears shed in that season, but three people or groups come to mind in those memories: my best friends, my Bible study group, and my supervisor.
The first were my best friends, my gal pals, my ladies. These were two women in my life, doing life with me, alongside of me. These women likely knew when I started to suspect that my husband was no longer a Christian long before he verbally confirmed it. The definitely knew our marriage was in a tough spot. And they were the first phone calls I made when I needed to process his verbal renouncement of his faith. These ladies stood on the front lines with me many days and nights.
The second was a ladies Bible study group I was leading at our church. During one of our Tuesday morning meetings, I shared my husband’s decision with the group in a desperate plea for prayer. I longed so deeply for my husband to turn his heart back to Christ and I knew prayer was the only tool I could rely on to intercede for his heart.
The third was my supervisor. I was volunteering for an organization, when the opportunity came for me to get paid to do the job. However, to do so meant going through a missions organization which required both my husband and I to attend a training and undergo an interview process with the Board before we would be accepted. My husband was done pretending to play the part of a Christian and I was done dragging him along as an unwilling participant in Christian group activities. I turned down the job. As a result, I shared with my supervisor the reasons I was walking away from such a great opportunity.
With each person or group of people I told, there was a different reason. When I told my best friends, I was leaning on someone to carry me and hold me up in the most hurtful season of my life. When I told my Bible study, I was stepping into vulnerability and seeking partners in prayer for my husband’s heart. When I told my supervisor, I was putting my marriage first, before a job that I had often dreamed of.
None of these conversations were easy, but they were all very necessary. I don’t encourage that you share with these same people in your life; however, I do encourage you to share for the same reasons.
You were not meant to do life alone and you especially should not have to walk this season alone. Who in your life can carry you when you cannot carry yourself? Who can you be vulnerable with and come together with in prayer? Who needs to know so you can put your marriage first?
Tell someone.
