The Waiting Wife

Waiting for my husband to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior was like traveling the wilderness among the Israelites. There was so much complaining, lack of faith, lack of trust, and disbelief along the way. There were many tears, and shame that only Jesus could restore. It took a while to arrive, but one question made all the difference. What do I do while I wait? In this journey, though my walk seemed unbearable at times, I learned. I learned that I could choose to be like Moses, or I could choose to stay bitter and unchanged by the future promise. 

From these lessons, I will share three truths that help me set my hope not on the promise of my husband serving the Lord, but on the promise maker.

My Actions Mattered More than My Words

The first scripture that anchored my heart was 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV) which says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 

In the beginning stages of my journey, I thought I had to disciple my husband into believing. I used many opportunities to speak the word, correct him with it, and I would even give him gifts with scriptures. The result was indifference, and my heart broke every time. I began to connect his lack of love for God with a lack of love for me, and I had to disconnect the two. The Lord gently and patiently taught me that it was my actions of love and grace that would in due time soften his stubborn heart. My friend once taught me that planting an avocado tree is much different than harvesting crops. Harvesting crops takes repetitive work over and over again. It’s brutal work, and it requires effort every season. Planting an avocado tree on the other hand, takes a one time effort and gentle care, and once it begins to bear avocados you won’t have to plant it again. It will continue to bear fruit. The same is with our husband’s conversion. Using our words to persuade them will be like harvesting, but trusting the Lord with his perfect time will yield a genuine salvation. 

Don’t Hide in Your Shame

My husband had reconciled with the Lord, but quickly after his conversion everything dwindled, and I found myself going to church by myself with my children. When my church family questioned if he was working or busy, I would respond with a yes even though I knew he had chosen to stay home. In due time however, the Lord prompted me to not hide in my shame. I needed my spiritual family to hurt with me, to pray for me, and to pray for him too.  I didn’t have to cover the truth, nor speak about it. In my honest “he’s at home” response, my spiritual family just knew I was hurting and needed their prayers and their loving support. This was a point of freedom for me. The word says in Romans 12:15 (NIV), “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” This season was an opportunity for that, as well as when he came to the Lord.

Seek Purpose in the Waiting

We often forget that Jesus had to wait too. We can find comfort in our Savior, because not only did he wait for several seasons, but he waited in pain and suffering for the cross to come and the sin that prevailed in the heart of his people. He wrestled with the joy of the glorious salvation to come, but also with the price it would take for us to be free from the grip of sin, so that we would be reconciled with our Heavenly Father. Yet in his waiting, there was purpose and learning. Hebrews 5:8 (NIV) says, “Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered.” Women, you have purpose in this waiting though you suffer. God can use us to equip and grow in our gifts, so that our husbands may witness the power of the cross in our lives. The word also says that when we refresh others, we ourselves will be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). This refreshment comes when we find someone who does want to be discipled and grow in their relationship with Christ. But it begins with caring for our hearts, and keeping them full with the love of Christ. 

Let’s pray,

Heavenly Father, I lean on you today as I take in these truths for my hurting heart. May you please fill me today with your love, grace and truth, so that I may lovingly and graciously show these to my husband. Help me be a woman of grace in my home, and full of your wisdom. Guide me to know when to speak, and when my actions need to speak louder than my words. Surround me with a loving spiritual family that can hold my hands while I wait, and when I feel like giving up. Give my journey purpose, so that you can prepare me to be the wife that my husband will need for his purpose. I surrender my heart today. You know my pain very well. Thank you for being with me. I praise you for surrounding me, and filling me with your loving kindness and precious Holy Spirit. In Jesus Name, Amen.

From my heart to yours,

Zenaida Rios

Zenaida Rios is a wife, mom of three, elementary teacher, writer, and women’s ministry leader. But when Jesus found her, all she wore was shame, loneliness, brokenness, grief, and a loss of identity badge.

But because our Redeemer lives- Zenaida Rios’ story is now one full of redemption, resurrection power and purpose. As a former waiting wife (waiting for my husband to serve the Lord), she was faced with a choice. “What do I do while I wait?” In this pursue, she found a desire to equip women to grow boldly in the Lord by discovering the truth in His word, to live a faith-filled life led by the Spirit, and to steward God’s given gifts to edify our homes, our church, and our world. But most importantly, she learned to “Remove the Veil, and Reveal His Glory!”

Zenaida Rios writes over at Unveiled Hearts Devotionals and leads a group of Waiting Wives on Facebook. If you are seeking to remove a veil of shame or someone to walk alongside you as you wait and pray for your husband’s salvation, I encourage you to check her corner of the internet out.